Valentines Day has never been particularly important to me. But then until now I was in the closet, so I never had an opportunity to whine about my dating status. Now I can. My original goal was to have a boyfriend by mid-semester, and that obviously didn't happen, so then my next goal was to have one by Valentines Day, and still is to an extent. Not that I think theres a shred of hope it will happen, but who knows, life has ways of surprising the people who are under the impression the universe hates them.
Celefelwen and her friends are planning an Anti-Valentines Day, that sounds interesting, and is of now my plan B. Or theres a friend of mine's Single Awareness Day planned out. But that wouldn't be as fun, and would remind me more that I'm single.
Don't get me wrong, being single doesn't suck, it's just I am most definitely a people person, and have simply wanted a boyfriend ever since I knew I liked guys. Doesn't particularly help that some of my best friends have hooked up with some more of my best friends. Mostly it's me, Celefelwen, and another friend who are left single.
Maybe it's because while I consider myself out to my friends and don't care who finds out, still the majority of the people who know me in the least still don't know. I haven't made it public. Bit of a lack of courage there tho. Even when coming out originally I told most of my friends over myspace or instant messenger. I only told a handful in person. Felt amazing, but I suppose I've forgotten the courage that I had to do it with.
I want so badly to be out to everyone, but not to deal with the consequences. Lately at a few times I've come so close to just blurting it out to my parents on a whim, but then caught and reprimanded myself for it.
I know I'll be able to work it out on my own, always have, but it feels nice to vent sometimes. 'Specially when avoiding homework....
Anywho, a friend has a friend/acquaintance who actually goes to my school, but takes classes at a place my friend is also taking classes at to recover credits, and after little deliberating figured he's gay, so she's going to try to put in a good word for me, so cross your fingers.
still, life doesn't totally suck. I got friends, I got a band, I got choir and a crazy teacher to go with it, been working out a little lately, and plans to dye my hair soon. With still no idea what to dye it. heh